Life.

Decision making frankly sucks. I hate having to chose one thing over the other. Can't I just have it all? Does that mean I'm greedy? I don't know. Maybe it means I can't make a choice. That I'm unable to say something is white when it's white, and not claim that it's gray. Usually I do make choices about petty, unimportant questions. Such as, what to wear, what to eat. that sorta thing. But the life altering, life impacting questions are what I dread the most. If it was up to me, I'd chose one thing and go with the flow. The problem arises when I take into the interests and concerns of others. That is what leads me to doubly question everything. It's just so, difficult. I wish God could just tell me what decision to make and reassure me that I'm right. If that was the case, there would be no failures, no losers, no hatred, no nothing. Life, I suppose, would be utterly boring. Also, people would give up the second-time around and just do, nothing. Apathetic world views would emerge. OK, maybe I'm thinking about this way too much. But it's my future! I have time to make this decision that is on my mind, but have so much to think about and actually do.

This sucks.

God, help.

The Return.

I'm back.

It's true. I mean, this will be my third attempt at sustaining a blog. The first, was originally this. I somehow came across it once again. The second blog was a Wordpress blog I recently made private, only for my eyes to see. I think the personal aspect of its contents led me to bury it inside myself, essentially. Anyway, I've returned to hopefully keep this blog for good. We will see.

I woke up about three times today, throughout the night. I think it was because of my dreams. I've been having successive dreams, like, one after the other--different stories, different locations and different people. It's so strange. I usually have one dream for a long while and that's it. Recently, it's been a plethora of dreams. I have no idea what's going on in my head *reference to blog title*. What I do know is that I need to get myself back to a somewhat stabilized sleeping pattern so that I can try to wake up well-refreshed for school. Yes, school is 10 days and 22 hours away according to my countdown. I'm excited since I want school to end and for me to get my degree. And then again I don't want to have to commute by train in the dead of winter to a university I'm apathetic towards. Also, I don't want to have to make life important life decisions I've been putting off. Hate that. All in all, I just want it to be over.